Hello. We're back. Yeah, I know you people missed me so much and want to hear my story about... well, let's just say the story about whatever the heck happened in the last four months. (Oh, by the way, whatever I say next in the story ACTUALLY happened to Vader between Episode IV and V.) Anyway, the Death Star went KA-BLAMMY! Sniff... I had friends on that Death Star... Anyway, my thing... you know the thing, that does the thing... YOU KNOW! THAT THING THAT BRINGS YOU FROM PLACE TO... oh... oh yeah... a TIE Advanced Starfighter... Um, awkward... huh... I seem to be losing my touch... you know... that awesome, anchorman "I- know-what-I'm-doing" thing... AND WHAT IS UP WITH THESE STUPID DOTS?!
Emperor: Vader, what are you doing! Why are you filming the news in our bathroom?! I need to use it!
Vader: But I haven't covered any news!
Emperor: Well, get done with it... FAST!!!
Um, okay, er, the news today is that there is no news! See ya! Bye! (STATIC)